Dear Pen Friend,

I hope this finds you well. I, on the other hand, am icky today. I have a tooth problem, and it turns out that has brought out a whole lot of griefancies in me. My dental story is as bad as my medical story…and I’ve grown weary of trusting what those doctors say, too. Especially because I’ve paid thousands of dollars to the dental industry, only to have to pay more later because “Oops! Turns out the practices we used on you were barbaric and horrible – and didn’t work long-term like we thought they would. That’ll be another $1500.00 – and we expect payment now, before the numbness wears off.” Sadly, though, through all these years and procedures, I have not become a dental expert. Instead, I stayed as removed as possible, and did whatever I was told I “should”.

And, now, I feel there’s nowhere to turn for other options. Their intervention has been so immense that I have no choice but to keep going back. And writing another giant check. For very little comfort, and even less satisfaction. And, still, I have another appointment on Tuesday, with a new specialist who will most likely charge more to say that his opinion is that the tooth needs to be pulled. In the meantime, though, I’m going to have one last weekend (at least) with Tooth #30.

Poor #30. She’s had a rough go of it, and she’s hung in there for a long time, considering all of the trauma she’s endured. But, now, there seems to be an infection surrounding her, and “they” say there’s no way she can be saved. The dentist flippantly said – twice – “Save your miracle for something else.” Is it wrong that I wanted to punch her – hard – both times she tossed that comment towards me? She doesn’t get it. I’m a singer. That tooth is part of my instrument, and every time a dentist rummages around in my mouth, they alter it in ways that I have not enjoyed. And, Dear #30 lives right on top of a very important facial nerve that, if harmed, will cause permanent paralysis on the right side of my face. In short, I’m scared.   And I don’t trust “them”.

I’ve been trying to do everything I can think of to promote a healing response in the body – and the infection has definitely lessened, but it’s still there. And, the x-rays from 2011 to now show that it’s destroying the bone in which the tooth sits. So, now, I have to take the chance that pulling poor, hardworking #30 is the best choice for the rest of my mouth and body. I just don’t know. It seems wrong to me. And yet, I’m not finding much help that offers a different perspective. There are online testimonials about choosing this natural remedy, or that one – and it “working” – but for how long? There isn’t enough information for me to make an educated plan for myself. And, there’s a lot of pressure that “Time Is Of the Essence” to get the tooth pulled out. But I still am not feeling secure in that idea. I suppose denial may be a part of this picture, but what if there are other factors, too?

Do you know who Louise L. Hay is? She is one of the pioneers of the self-help movement. Her book, “You Can Heal Your Life” has had a profoundly positive effect in my life. It was given to me when I first moved to The City. I didn’t give it much heed then (ok, none. I gave it zero regard. I though it was crazy-talk.). I think I even threw that first copy away. ‘My problems are genetic. This won’t help me,’ I mused. Yet, when the book came to me a 2^nd time (and I actually read some of it), there were portions that jumped out to me as TRUTH. I read them, contemplated the ideas briefly, but moved on. I had so many things to heal. Certainly this book couldn’t help someone like me.

And then, by the third time I found it, I was so sick I thought, “What do I have to lose?”

So, I re-read the text, bought the newly published companion workbook, and took my pen to paper. I worked through the questions diligently, and with intent to unravel my own web of illness. With each chapter I remembered parts of my story I’d tossed or repressed. As I unlocked those doors, I actually started to feel better. Diseases I’d had for decades left, and still haven’t returned. It’s been over 10 years now, and I’ve been a well woman. And, the work of Louise L. Hay was a large part of my healing, I believe.

So, when my tooth first started hurting, I pulled out my trusty tome. What did Louise have to offer in terms of dental issues? She said:

Teeth – represent decisions. Problems with teeth – long-standing indecisiveness. Inability to break down ideas for analysis and decisions.

Right Side of Body – Giving out, letting go, masculine energy, men, the father.

Root Canal – Can’t bite into anything anymore. Root beliefs being destroyed.

Periodontitis (Gum Problems) – Anger at the inability to make decisions. Wishy-washy people.

Bleeding Gums – Lack of joy in the decision made in life.

Abscess – Fermenting thoughts over hurts, slights, and revenge.

Boils – Anger. Boiled over. Seething. Poisonous anger about personal injustices.

Infection – Irritation, anger, annoyance.

Inflammation – Fear. Seeing red. Inflamed thinking.

Mouth – Represents taking in of new ideas and nourishment. Problems with mouth – Set opinions. Closed mind. Incapacity to take in new ideas.

Hmmm, Dear Pen Friend. Much of that sounds spot on with where I am mentally right now.

In short, on March 1^st, I received a certified letter from a psychotic bully that STILL has me seeing red. And, I haven’t known what to do about it. I can’t speak about it without crying, due to the fear it incites, and I need to release all that nonsense! Now! It’s putting my poor #30 on the radar of those who are desensitized to pulling and discarding others just like her.

Can #30 be saved? I don’t know. But I am going to keep trying for now. If nothing else, at least I’ll work through the griefancy of being bullied, and accept that I actually can speak out about this, but I’m choosing not to – because there is no point. Psychosis causes an inability to be connected with life, and so my best hope is to avoid that man – which, truthfully, isn’t that difficult. For the moment, he is an insane person with a position of power – that’s true. However, his Reign of Terror will end in August, and then he will have zero power to affect my life. And, in truth, his nightmarish behavior – in hindsight – got me to go back to a dentist.

So, maybe I should thank him? Truth to tell, I’d stopped going to the dentist for regular cleanings a few years back when life became overcomplicated. And, it turns out, that was no bueno for my poor gums. Having #30 in peril led me back to paying attention to my mouth care, and what’s more vital to a good life than that? Having a painful mouth for days on end isn’t fun. So, if the bully was the catalyst for better self-care, then I choose to be thankful to him. Like I’ve turned around my health in all the areas surrounding my mouth, I can make that change there, too. I must. I use my teeth to sing. I want to keep them where they are.

I’ll keep you posted, dear friend, and wish for a miracle for me – and #30. I know the dentist doesn’t think I should use one here, but I disagree.

Here’s a Healing Haiku for you in parting.

There once was a tooth
Number 30, it was called.
It healed in my jaw!

Hope your mouth feels good!  Until next time…